Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values
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Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values Customer Reviews
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♥♥♥♥♥
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Go ahead and buy it now...
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Nonviolent communication is a very effective tool for anyone looking to create a bridge of understanding and establishing healthy boundaries through thoughts and words. It moves away from the aggressive, competitive and confrontational models that so many people learn from parents, in dysfunctional relationships and at work. My cousin took "Assertiveness Training" back in the 70s. She said that NVC though took that to the next level by introducing compassion, understanding and nonjudgment though observations, feelings, needs and requests.
I've recommended this series to many people [including my cousin] and especially those who have problems with coworkers and bosses. I thought it amusing that even one of Dr Rosenberg's participants conceded that working with parents can be the biggest NVC challenge of all. Nonviolent communication may not be the solution, but it does help.
One particular story Dr Rosenberg imparts among many is about how his grandmother -- a Jewish immigrant for whom English was a second language -- invited a homeless man into the house for a bit of food and rest. When she asked the man his name, he said, "Jesus the Lord." Without a hint of irony or judgment, the grandmother introduced the man to the rest of the family as Jesus. She fed him and gave him a place to stay without a second thought for his gruff appearance or his unusual name. In her own way, by living NVC everyday, she provided the framework for Dr Rosenberg's works.
A few items to nitpick -- and by no means a slight or a reason not to buy the audiobook. In fact, go ahead and buy it now.
Sometimes using NVC language can seem a bit stilted and unnatural. For example Dr Rosenberg often says the phrase, "This meets my need to..." It works in writing and even when Dr Rosenberg says it. But personally, it sounds stilted and just doesn't quite roll off the tongue for many of us. Instead, I personally say, "This works for me. Does this solution work for you?"
Another nitpick: I paraphrase a bit but Dr Rosenberg gives one particular sentence as an example of violent communication: "Black people don't take care of their property." Then he offers a nonviolent-communication example: "I've never noticed the minority family down the street take out the trash." I wondered if bringing up that the family was black [or "minority"] was truly germaine. Is bringing up a source of division and stereotype such a race truly nonviolent or would it be more kind to refer to the family as "the Smith Family" or even as "the family two doors down"?
Last small nitpick [and a bit of a spoiler]: Dr Rosenberg tells a compelling story of a patient who was uncommunicative and unresponsive due to severe psychological trauma. Dr Rosenberg describes how the woman finally broke through by writing a note to him in perfect NVC language. "Help me to express what is going on within me..." Not only did she become NVC fluent after 4 or 5 treatments, but she had the fine motor skills to write this out. So why then did she seem unable to pass him the note until he had to pry her fingers open? There must be more to the story than what we're being told, but it is a bit of a small plot loophole in the overall scheme of what is a great tool for communication and for expressing compassion while at the same time holding one's own integrity.
This audiobook introduced me to the grander realm of NVC and I've since attended some workshops where "jackal" and" giraffe" are introduced. Like me, you may find that you already use many of these techniques, but NVC just ads a few more tools to the toolbox. |
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